Coming to America:
Love Story Part II

Mom's Memoirs:

Take 1:

Back in the States Dad applied to Medical School, which I had very much encouraged, was accepted, and we figured that was no time to get married. Alice was still partially supporting his parents - Mother had some kind of a job “Heimarbeit”, they lived in one furnished room with use of kitchen, and we decided to “call the whole thing off”: I had a good job in England and he had four years of study ahead of him. It did not make sense to bind ourselves to a promise as long as the future was so uncertain. We did not even correspond , but Dad had given me the address of a friend in New York who would always know where he was...

As so many things in our relationship , the next thing that happened was very strange: in order to get an immigration visa to the States one had to be sponsored by a relative, who committed himself to be responsible financially for the immigrant: we had no relatives in the States, but my father had a friend from his childhood who lived in London (Winocour), who knew someone on Long Island who claimed to be a cousin! (Kissing cousin at best!) and was willing to give me an affidavit. And I really don’t know why, but these people suddenly decided to send a “Care package” to my mother and me. (Care packages were prepared food packages with things like coffee, sugar, and other stuff in short supply, or unobtainable in England that one could order and have sent to someone in England.) So the Tarlows sent us a Care package. Of course I wrote a thank-you letter and miraculously got an answer. After only one more letter they invited me to visit them in Rockville Center, L.I. Traveling in those days was not like today, you had to have visas, passage on a ship (transatlantic air traffic was in its infancy), and there were monetary restrictions in England: you could only take 5 pound sterling(equivalent to$20.-). out of the country. So I wrote back, saying I would love to come for a visit, that I had plenty of leave for an expedition like that, could afford the fare, but was allowed no funds for any extras to spend in the States. “Don’t worry - come” was the reply. So I made the arrangements for June 1949, going from Southampton on the Queen Mary, coming back beginning of August on the Queen Elizabeth. The next problem was Henry: what to do - let him know I was coming? I wanted to be extra-cautious, did not want to get hurt. So I sent a letter to him enclosed in a letter to that friend whose address I had, saying only that I would be on Long Island in July. I received an answer by return mail, “when are you coming, where will you be” So I told him I would let him know when I arrived. He was spending the summer as a doctor (this was after his third year of Medical school) at the same camp for retarded children in upper New York State.(Letchworth Village) where he had worked as a sort of social worker during summer vacations while at NYU. I told the Tarlows our tale and they immediately said “invite him for a weekend” We arranged to meet at Penn Station and I told the Tarlows that I’d bring him if things were all right, but not if I wasn’t absolutely sure. (I remember telling them “if I come home alone, please don’t ask any questions - it’s over”) The rest is history: I recognized Dad immediately even though I had never seen him out of uniform, it was instantly as if we had never been apart H took me for dinner - can’t remember where - all I remember is what seemed to me huge portions, especially of meat, which was still rationed in England I tried my best to do the meal justice, but I know I could not finish it. And then we both took the train to Rockville Center and sat in the Tarlow’s living room , waiting until 2 am for them to come home,. They bedded him down, lent us their Hudson automobile for the next day, and we rode all over Long Island in the rain and made our plans for the future!

Take 2:

At this point I was in the picture again (famous story of how I got invited to Long Island, we met again, nothing had changed between us; Alice agreed to divorce at our expense in the Virgin Islands); I went back to England while waiting for the divorce to happen and making some more money. I came back at the end of his internship shortly before the divorce became final, and we got married immediately after.

From text exchange August 3, 2005:

janka2k4 (9:47:53 PM): Mrs Schwenk took me to Macy's in 1949 and bought me two dressed for $5- a piece, because my English cotton dresses were enormously heavy.

janka2k4 (9:48:31 PM): And it was VERY hot, no A/C ANYWHERE!

janka2k4 (9:50:10 PM): And I went all by myself to meet my future in-laws, because we did not want to sacrifice one of Dad's precious weekends. we only had three of them

Passenger List for Queen Mary

The passenger list shows that the Queen Mary departed Southampton on June 30. Mom's address is 12 Palatine Rd., Manchester, 20, and her occupation is listed as Research Chemist.

Letter from Dad to Granny, Sept. 18, 1949

My dear Mrs. Jonas,

Five years have gone since I [bade] you farewell. In the course of this period my name and memory must have certainly run into disfavor with you. I don't know if any when my name ever came up during that time or if Jani did attempt to forget me. But I cannot blame you the least for standing on your guard against me, in fact I would consider it was not cruel, if you had not done so. However, there were many reasons which compelled me to act as I did, reasons which partly still exist and some which the course of time has mitigated. I am sure that Jani has related some of them to you. Believe me that I am not trying to whitewash myself. My feelings for Jani are so strong and my trust in her so great that I know she deserves to know nothing but the truth.

Now this summer, fate and a loving girl have bestowed on me the rare gift for a second chance. I feel that it would have been sheer blindness on my part to overlook this new opportunity. During the few times that I had a chance to spend with Jani I realized with ever growing certainty how much we are attached to one another. However I was also aware of the fact that there is very, very little which I have to offer her. It was my duty to paint any future with me in dark and very realistic colors. Not only I am devoid of any means except my own earning power, but I am also wholly responsible for the subsistence of my parents. In spite of all this Jani did not waver, and I can only hope that sentiments did not just get the best of her imagination. In any case I want you to know the full truth, before either of us takes irrevocable steps.

As I already informed Jani I have discussed the entire matter with my wife who showed full understanding. We have come to as sympathetic an arrangement as the most idealistic psychologist would hope for. We are ready to take final steps towards a divorce, retaining at the same time all the elements of a good friendship. It may take a little longer to prepare my father for this as a prevention to safeguard his health. In any case, there is no more obstacle in my way towards the achievement of Jani's and my dreams, unless you consider the risk of an economically uncertain future as too great for Jani to take. Therefore, I resolved to write to you, for whom I have always had the greatest respect.

With best wishes I am as ever your

Henry K. Silberman

Letter from Granny to Dad, July 8, 1950

{Google Translate]

Dear Henry:

After your last letter, which Jani showed me at your request, I wanted to write to you, but postponed it. I don't want to hide from you that the previous letter was a serious blow for me. And now today, without saying a word, Jani presented me with your last letter and when she had to go to town, I use her absence to write to her. I understand your difficulties, but I was firmly convinced that the divorce matter was settled in such a way that your friends, as you wrote to me, are only waiting for their vacation, i.e. after June 15th, to go to one of the states. But now comes another complication: the book. Inevitably I have to ask myself why the book was never mentioned before, since your wife had to know about it for a long time? Furthermore, is Jani at least as important as a construct shift? My sister, who publishes 1-2 books a year and is not only tied to the publisher, but also to the university and other offices, has now had to withdraw from work for several weeks because her husband was operated on and she went along with it afterwards had to travel to him. You write that you and your wife are very inexperienced in administrative matters, which I would like to believe you, because who can already have experience in divorce matters, but didn't you consult your lawyer about that in December and only reassured me in May : "I am definitely counting on the fact that in September at the latest everything will be in order and that we will finally be united". I've never made a secret of how upset I am that Jani is leading away before you are free. I was very much against her going in May because they only thought they were free in September. Now today, when she has already paid for the second passage and all formalities have been cleared, your letter is coming, where you write: "I was never fond of the Montreal deal". I know that you have to concentrate fully on your work, I fully understand it (that's why I also wish, in your own interest, that you get this worry off your head), but please, put yourself in our position, which is terrible . It was impossible to say here that Jani left a brilliant position just to look for a new one in Canada, so you could neither hide her intention to marry, nor your name, not answer direct questions. We're pretty well known and respected here, and everyone is neophyte. Jani has liquidated everything here, has said goodbye, presents are brought to her, the suitcases are half packed, purchases made, Jani is full of expectation, tension, hope, love, it is now impossible to say: don't go yet, wait and see!". That would absolutely ruin her, no arguments would be of any use, she is so taken with you, you are so "her husband and ideal" that it would be cruel to pour even a drop of doubt into her soul I am addressing you in my desperation. My letter is long, but requires a short answer, so it will not rob you of much of your time. You have to write that you are honest with Jani and that you have your luck in mind. I entrust you with my greatest, my only good, I am not afraid of any sacrifice, but I want to have the certainty that Jani will marvel at her happiness. If your wife does not act now, it means that either Jani in Canada ad infinitum must sit, or after N.Y. when your "sweetheart" drives. Please don't do this to me! You are so considerate of your own parents, consider me elsewhere as your mother-to-be, or, if you prefer, [your] maternal friend.

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